Posted by
Enderdog on Wednesday, November 14, 2007 12:28:01 PM
Sometimes something is so huge and obvious, that it only gets noticed in parts.
Three blind guys happen across an elephant. The first, upon grasping the great beast's leg, declares that the elephant is like a tree. The second, upon feeling the great sides of the animal, declares that no, it is obviously like a wall. The third, who has hold of the trunk, tells the others that of course they are wrong. The elephant is most certainly like a snake.
A government representative happens along just then, and realizes that he has just found a goldmine, because his brother-in-law is looking for grant money and here are three very lucrative proposals that can be written up and pushed through by his friend the politician. They will be easily passed under the new provisions mandating effective programs for the blind.
Autism, Asperger's, ADD/ADHD, Gifted, ENTP/INTP (Myers/Briggs Type Indicator), Geek......these are all different labels that are used by people with differing agendas, to think about the elephant that is in the room....and that sometimes threatens to stomp on everything that most people think of as "normal".
As identity level statements, they can be more or less useful to those who are labeled as such, depending on context. People tend to live up to or down to, what is expected of them by those who love them, or interact with them, in authoritative ways. Parents, teachers, doctors, social workers, etc....all have a great deal to do with how the person decides or reacts to their environment and develops or fails to develop social skills.
As a person who could easily be labeled with any of these statements, I both empathize and sympathize with anyone who is dealing with the challenges that being other than "normal" brings.
I was fortunate enough to have slipped through the cracks, in an era before public "help" was widely marketed, and whose parents were of modest means. It presented me with many challenges in my life. But, the final shakeout is that I am a happy, productive, well adjusted individual. And I learned enough in the process of coming to that, that my own daughter, who is equally outside the "normal" range, will end up a happy well-adjusted adult, with the help of all the tips and tricks I've gathered for that purpose.
There is no way I can avoid oversimplifying in so short a space. But, for anyone who wishes to see the elephant in toto, I recommend these resources. Do a google-search for "prerainmanautism". Learn about NeuroLinguistic Programming (google "NLP"). Read Thom Hartmann's book "Healing ADD". Read Karen Pryor's Book "Don't Shoot the Dog". Look into Myers/ Briggs Typing Instrument (google "MBTI") Read "The Ugly Duckling".
There is a common thread...more of a rope actually....that runs through all of this stuff. And that is the developmental aspects of socialization that every person must negotiate in growing up. It almost doesn't matter "why" some people have this constellation of characteristics. It mostly matters how those end up being expressed, and how that affects the person's ability to successfully interface with their fellow humans. That's what determines whether or not we are happy. Each of us ultimately have to decide for ourselves, with much help from those around us, how to deal with being outside the average range. And the normal response of those within the mainstream range, is perfectly human. They, like all people, want to feel good about themselves. It is all too common though, for people to do that, either by "helping" others who are "less fortunate", or casting them aside as "defective". Both are insidious in effect.
The Government and the Medical System are just that....systems. They operate independently of the intentions of the individuals who make up those systems. Like all systems, they seek to further themselves. They seek to create "need" upon which they can grow and become more powerful. Anyone who has read much of Thomas Sowell's work, will understand this at some level. But, your kid need not be pulled into that maw, where grant funding, social spending, educational spending, promotion-seeking bureaucrats, practice-expanding shrinkologists, beleaguered teachers, etc, determine what directions the systems themselves lurch.
You can learn to see the whole elephant. You can help them learn the skills they need to interact with the majority...no matter how unlikely that may seem to you right now. The difference between a low functioning autistic/ADD/Aspie/delinquent child, and a high functioning one are mostly in how they have learned to interact. The high functioning ones are forgiven mostly. They are known as geeks, geniuses, entrepreneurs, etc. But, the happiest of all these folks, are practically indistinguishable to most people. They are the ones who have learned to blend in. To not scare people with their differences. They are guys like me, who have learned to keep our heads down, when that's what is most appropriate.
Please don't take my word for any of this though. Look at some of those resources and decide for yourself. It may require some dot connecting on your part. Or it may seem obvious once you have put them all into a common context. Then examine how your own beliefs and behaviors regarding your child affect how they perceive themselves. If you are tempted to feel the least bit guilty for not having spotted this before...then realize that literally billions of dollars have been spent by systems that are not at all interested in your kid's well-being, regardless of the patient, caring and kind individuals who make up that system, and are just as in the dark about it as you were. And remember that they are "professionals" whose own identity level beliefs are filters through which they can only see darkly. Unless they themselves are one of these exceptional individuals, they have no idea, and deserve no blame for not knowing....and much credit for doing what they can, in systems that care no more for them, than for your kid.